This article was originally published on 24/7Mirror
The One and Only Pizzaburger Hot Dog
Do you want a pizza? Or a Hamburger? Or a hot dog? Well, don't worry, because you never have to choose again. Try the pizzaburger hot dog, a disgusting combination of America's three favorite foods. Dr. Oetker really seems to have taken it a little too far with this concoction and it's hard to believe that anyone would buy it! Maybe that's why they are selling it in grocery stores in Switzerland branded as American food!
This one box of food alone has done more to give the Americans a bad name among the Swiss than hundreds of years of questionable history.
Buy a Diamond Get a Shotgun for Free
Imagine you are walking into a jewelry store to pick out a diamond for your soon-to-be fiancee. You choose a ring and when you go to purchase it, they tell you that you get a free gift to go along with it. Walking to the back of the store, they pull out a full shotgun and hand it to you. Enjoy! This is America for you.
It would be interesting to know if this ad actually worked and how many free shotguns they ended up giving away to people. Did they even check if they had gun licenses?
Introducing the Horror of... Deep Fried Butter
Americans have a serious obsession with deep-frying things. Whether it is oreo cookies or entire turkeys, there is always some new recipe flying around. But, there is one ultra-America dish that must make even the most extreme deep-fry lovers a little bit uncomfortable. Deep-fried butter. Now, besides the basic logistics of that being very confusing, who can eat a whole clump of butter that has been cooked in more butter?
Or even worse yet....this butter is most likely fried in oil and not butter. Who would like a little treat of some fats fried in more fats?
Glazed Donut Bacon Cheeseburgers
What might look like a normal donut at first glance will certainly cause you to look away in horror at second glance. Glazed donuts are no doubt delicious, as is bacon, and cheeseburgers. But they are each delicious on their own and whoever thought that it was a good idea to combine them all into one meal took it way too far. To think that people will crave this strange combination of foods!
There is almost no way people will leave that meal feeling comfortable with their stomachs. On the contrary, it looks like an immediate call to rush to the bathrooms.
Apparently God's Word Blessed This Gun
In Florida, anything is possible, including finding a gun manufacturer who makes guns specifically with Christian symbols on them. Engraved on the inside is a passage from the Bible talking about war and going out to battle. The settings are the most interesting part of all. There are three settings; "Peace" which is when the gun won't fire, "War" which causes a bullet to be released every time you pull the trigger, and "God Wills It" which is fully automatic.
It is disturbing enough to think that there are people who produce this gun, but even more so to think of how many people purchase it.
Desperate Attempt for Healthcare
More disheartening than just about anything on this list is this one man's desperate attempt to be able to afford basic healthcare in the United States of America. Since he couldn't afford it on his own, he decided his best bet was to rob a bank for the whopping amount of $1. That would make the police arrest him, he would be sent to jail, and at least there he would qualify for free medical health care.
Hopefully this man was able to get the healthcare he needed after he went to such extreme measures out of desperation.
The Sweet and Savory Bacon Donut
And onto another round of the gross-sounding American food concoctions, you are presented with the bacon donut. At least they left off the cheeseburger part that the last group of donut makers insisted on adding. Although it also does not sound like the most appealing food, it can at least be understood as a somewhat normal combination of sweet and salty, rather than a terrible mix of textures and flavors.
Why even consider buying a donut and some bacon? This bakery has you covered with the two-for-one, bacon donut combo. Breakfast in just one bite.
A Spur of the Moment Crazy Thing
There once was a man who had to get from his backyard to his front yard. Instead of making an intelligent decision to drive around his house as any normal person would do, he chose to simply drive right through his house, destroying everything in the way in the process. Why? "It was just one of those spur of the moment crazy things." Let's hope his bank account can cover the damages of this "crazy thing".
This couldn't have even saved him much time. By the time he pummeled into his house, knocked things over, destroyed everything he built, it would have been easier to just go around or walk through the house! He clearly did not think that through.
Hearty Cheeseburger Soup, Warm in Your Tummy
Campbell soup has been an American staple for so many years, it's hard to imagine the aisles of the grocery stores in the US without this renowned brand. It appears that they have gotten bored with all the countless different types of soup that they have created over the years and they are branching out. What better way to brand out than to make chunky and hearty cheeseburger soup?
This just sounds like it is melted cheese in a cup with some little pieces of meat added in. Who would choose to eat their hamburger in soup form anyway?
Bare Bread - The Lazy Man's Dream
Some people do not like the crust of the bread. Although it can seem a little bit silly, everyone is entitled to their own tastes. However, how difficult is it to simply prepare your sandwich and then, if you choose to, remove the crust from the edges. At most, it is four small movements with the knife. Enter Bare Bread, the crustless white bread created just for people so lazy they do not even want to take the crust off their own bread.
What does this company do with all the pieces of crust bread that they have leftover after the baking? We wonder.
Tortilla Chips on Every Corner
If there is one thing you will never doubt, it's that Americans love their tortilla chips. Well, pretty much anything corn-based is almost a sure best seller in the US. After all, states like Iowa and Arkansas might cease to exist altogether without the need to cover their barren lands with fields and fields and fields of corn. Both the obsession with corn chips and also the questionable marketing of this brand are extremely disturbing.
It's an interesting concept to combine the Native American theme along with nacho chips. And it is even more surprising that this brand has not yet been pressed to change all of their branding.
Handy Dandy French Fry Holder
Unlike most of the items on this list, this handy dandy french fry holder is actually a pretty great idea. Despite their questionable healthiness levels, french fries are beloved around the world. They are also quite a messy snack. Who wouldn't appreciate an easy-to-carry french fry container? Although it is difficult to imagine eating french fries so often that this purchase would seem necessary.
Never waste a french fry again! With this french fry holder, you can store those crispy delights in your car without worry or place them next to you without a bag.
Bacon Salt in a Jar - Use It in Your Everyday Cooking
It's no secret that Americans are strangely obsessed with bacon. And what do they put on top of bacon? Usually lots of salt. Try to think like an American for a moment and what can you create from these two things....of course, bacon salt? It is smoked salt (whatever that is) infused with real bacon. Apparently, it is great to put on top of eggs or ice cream!
You can only hope that the term Hausmade is intentionally misspelled. Otherwise, there may be some serious health concerns (besides the normal ones) with this bacon salt. On the other hand, it's only $8 for this enormous jar of salt!
At Least the Thief Was Honest
A man came across a wallet on the subway and decided that he was going to return it to its rightful owner....at least some of it. He addressed a letter to Reilly saying that he wants to return to him his driver's license and other important credit cards. In the meantime, he has taken all the cash that was in the wallet to buy drugs and used the man's metro card.
The funniest part is that he decided to take the wallet for himself too! Maybe he should have just said that he found some cards lying around rather than a missing wallet, as he has no intention to return the wallet itself, but at least he was honest!
The American Section at a British Grocery Store
What comes to mind when you first think of American food? The answer is most likely something sweet. Americans don't hide their love of sugar and if this American aisle at this British grocery store is an accurate portrayal, then it just proves the rumor. From sugary sodas to candies to chocolate bars, there is not even one healthy item in this arrangement of goodies from America.
Maybe they chose only the sweet items because they are the most missed by their American customers. After all, nothing quite compares to American candy bars and sweets.
A Can of Pumpkin Puree Should Always Be in the House
What may be the simplest thing to find in the US, especially around the holiday of Thanksgiving, can be nearly impossible to locate in the rest of the world. But Americans love their pumpkin puree (to say the least) and they will go to far lengths to obtain just in order to create the one and only...pumpkin pie. Usually eaten during the holidays, this treat overshadows other delicious snacks that are also popular to make from pumpkin puree.
If you haven't tried pumpkin pie, you are most definitely missing out. But no worries here is a recipe for you! Good luck finding the puree outside of the US!
Those With Food Poisoning Are Given a Discount
Imagine having to pay to use a public toilet, but not a nice clean public toilet with mirrors and towels and nice things...a porta-potty in the middle of the street. And not only that, but you have to pay an exuberant fee of $5 per use! Are there no other toilets in the nearby 20 miles? What else could warrant such a price? But the best part is that you can get an all-day wristband discount for only $10.
At least people who have food poisoning get some kind of discount when it comes to going to the bathroom. Better to have one thing going in their favor!
Cheeseburgers and Donuts.... Why Not?
In case the triple-decker cheeseburger with its layers of cheese and greasy patties wasn't already enough to scare you and your heart arteries off, throw in some Krispy Kreme donuts as this ad is suggesting and you should be good to go! Just a few hours at this stand, eating this food, and you will surely understand why heart disease is the leading cause of death in the United States.
Hopefully, anyone who chooses to eat this decadent dish will save the donuts for later. Krispy Kreme are hard to resist, but maybe they should space out all the unhealthy foods.
Entertain Yourself While Filling up Gas
Sometimes it can just feel like you are standing at the gas pump, waiting for your tank to fill, for an extremely long amount of time. Instead of talking to your friends or family or just staring off into the distance, why not stare at yet another screen, a TV screen at your gas pump. You can certainly only catch snippets of shows or ads in the amount of time it takes to fill up a gas tank.
Is it really worth the money they will get through ads and purchases as it is for the set up of these TVs at every gas pump? It does seem a bit excessive.
That Is One Heck of a Political Statement
Do you think this is meant to be some sort of a joke or maybe an insult to Hillary Clinton? Or could it really be that this is the only way this person can reference the former presidential candidate? To refer to someone not only as the wife of someone but further the wife of Monica Lewinsky's ex-boyfriend. It is very interesting concept and if it is meant to be an insult, it's certainly a unique one!
This person clearly never "forgave" Hillary Clinton for what her husband did to her while they were still together. Interesting how they seem to almost be blaming her for her husband's poor choices.
Naked Hot Dogs in a Jar
No one can deny that hot dogs are a particularly American thing. Baseball games, BBQs, backward picnics, street corners...in every single one the hot dog is not only present but the main show. Americans LOVE their hot dogs. But who knew that they loved them enough to store them in jars and sell them, bun-less and topping-less to the world. Naked hot dogs in a jar, sold by Dino's in Brooklyn, right next to the Snyder's pretzels.
What is a hot dog without its bun and relish and ketchup? Even though Dino is selling these bare dogs, at least he has assured you that they are big! So take those jarred hot dogs home like a good American and enjoy them thoroughly!
When Health Drinks Are All the Rage
Health drinks are all the rage these days and it seems like brands are running out of ideas of things to create. Instead of creating more coffee flavors or energy drinks, why not combine the two? Have you ever tried coffee coconut water? It's unclear if this is coffee-flavored coconut water or a literal mix of coffee and coconut water. Either way, it does not seem to be the tastiest drink out there.
At least this strange drink is fair trade certified! It may be weird and have a disturbing flavor, but at least the workers who produced were treated fairly!
Popcorn Barrels Big Enough to Feed a Family
Apparently in Germany, they have an interesting perspective of what Americans like to eat. In the American section of this German grocery store, they are boasting this famous American snack - popcorn. Enjoyed in movie theatres, at home, and just in the day-to-day, popcorn is beloved by all, but only the Americans take it so far as to eat it out of enormous tins like this one here.
During the holidays it can be even more exaggerated, with child-size popcorn tins containing at least three or four different popcorn flavors. They range from caramel to cheese to just plain salt.
Pepper Spray to Fight Breast Cancer
Although pepper spray is often related to women for general safety precautions, the correlation between breast cancer and pepper spray is a little far-fetched. Why exactly are you helping to support breast cancer by buying this pepper spray? How are the two even related at all? Not to mention that this packaging is very early 90s in style, giving it a very unprofessional and illegitimate look.
Hopefully, through the purchase of this pink pepper spray, people are helping to fight breast cancer, although it is not entirely clear how.
Presidential Candidate Bobble Heads
It is true when people say that you can buy everything in America. It is the last of convenience and the land of plenty. There is almost nothing that you won't be able to find if you search hard enough. And that includes little figurine bobbleheads of presidential candidates like this one of Hillary Clinton. It is unclear why anyone would want to have one of these sitting around though.
Would this be purchased by a Hillary Clinton fan or a hater? It seems like it could very easily go either way!
The Most Disturbing Headline of All
What is the most disturbing headline that you have ever read? This may very well rank on your list of top 10. Man stabs brother over mac and cheese. Now everyone knows how delicious mac and cheese is but is it really worth stabbing someone over? And of all people, your brother! THis almost seems so horrible that it should be a joke, and yet somehow, in America, it is not.
Hopefully, the mac and cheese was worth it since that will probably be the last time that man is enjoying any kind of decent food as he is most likely on his way to prison. And hopefully the stabbed brother was ok!
The Snack That Smiles Back - Goldfish
Ahh, Goldfish. There is hardly a person on earth (who has tried them) who does not appreciate this delicious American delicacy. More than the hot dog or the s'mores, Goldfish are an American national treasure. Coming in many different flavors, with this cheddar cheese being the original, they are enjoyed by millions every day. Sadly, they are quite difficult to find while abroad making American expats long for them even more.
What is there not to love about a little fish-shaped snack that comes in many different flavors, one to suit each and every palate? Enjoy the parmesan flavored goldfish, pretzel flavored, and they even have sweet versions!
An Interestingly Named State Park
American's don't often get too creative when they name their favorite locations. What is the main city of New York state? New York City. The amount of Springfields throughout the US is disturbingly high. But someone was given creative license with this state park and they went wild - Big Bone Lick State Park. If there is an actual legitimate reason behind the name of this park, it is hidden to everyone.
It almost appears that Lick is misspelled and it should be Lake...Big Bone Lake State Park would make a lot more sense than the actual name.
If You Need a Little Salvation
In case you are in need of a little salvation, while on the run, don't worry because it looks like in America you are covered. There are little stations with free salvation packs lying around between ice machines and vending machines. Never worry about being lost, Jesus and his message are waiting for you behind every little corner with their salvation packets.
The Christians who bought these dispenser stands purchased them in the early 1800s and they haven't been replaced since, or so it seems. Don't fix what isn't broken!
There's Nothing Like Dr. Pepper
Americans will probably never know (if they don't travel much out of the US) how difficult it can be to find Dr. Pepper while abroad. It would come as a huge shock as well to most that a huge amount of people around the world have never even heard of this cherry-flavored soda drink. Although some claim it tastes like medicine, people grow up on this sweet drink and love it.
It really is quite delicious and is something that should spread its goodness to the rest of the world. This is an American thing that is worth sharing!
Do Not Take Your Gun Upstairs
Along the list of normal signs there lies the stair directing people to the stairwell (specifically in case of a fire), the warning to use the fire exits when there is a fire, and, most importantly, the "No Firearms" sign. It is not very clear how the firearms relate to the mostly fire-themed warnings and signs on this wall, but perhaps that is something the non-gun owners of the world just cannot understand.
And whatever you do, do not even consider taking your firearms up the stairs in a time of fire, as that seems to be the largest offense possible here.
It's a Ketchup Lover's Paradise
What would the world be without ketchup? Heinz is certainly the most popular brand in the US and many would argue that every other brand is merely a sad attempt at replication that failed miserably. But who knew that there could possibly be this many different types of ketchup? Leave it to the Americans to spice up their ketchup to this level of color-coordinated options.
There is no denying that this is an incredibly impressive array of ketchup flavors. Spicy, plain tomato ketchup, ketchup and mayo, and whatever "exotic" may be. There is no way someone has tried all these different flavors!
Cereal - The Breakfast of the Strong
If you have ever walked through the cereal aisle in a grocery store in America there is no doubt that you were beyond overwhelmed. The sheerly massive amount of selection and variety is enough to scare away even the most devoted foodies. Whether you are a lover of Lucky Charms, Reeses Puffs, Cinnamon Toast Crunch, Captain Crunch, or one of the thousands of other different types out there, you are sure to find something suitable and delicious to eat for breakfast.
The cereal aisles of today are a far cry from the humble beginnings of a box of Cornflakes. Who would have thought that cereal would explode to the level it is today in America?
Surf and Turf Nerds - The Tasty Treat for Every Occasion
Nerds. The candy of the gods. Especially the tropical punch and raspberry flavors that, when combined, are often known as surf and turf. Although there are many different types of flavors, no one can deny the delicious goodness of these crunchy, slightly sour goodies. They are tasty, super sweet, and beloved by all. You have not really lived fully until you have learned to enjoy and appreciate nerds.
There is something so special about the combination of the two flavors of nerds. Maybe it is just psychologically the colors look pretty so your mind thinks it tastes better or perhaps they really are a wonderful flavor combination.
A True American Tradition
It is nearly impossible to go camping with a group of Americans and not find, at the end of the day, that at least one of them (and most likely all of them) has packed a bag of these white, fluffy treats. Marshmallows, and more specifically s'mores, are the quintessential American treat. Eaten on camping trips, at BBQs, over the fire, and at pretty much any opportunity, they bring up memories as sweet as the taste.
This brand could not have been more accurate in their marketing as when they said "A True American Tradition". There is something about marshmallows and s'mores that are almost a rite of passage into American life.
The Most Delicious Chocolate Covered Pretzels
Some cultures cover everything with butter. Others prefer cheese. Some choose salt. The Americans choose chocolate. They try to put chocolate on everything and here is one example where it definitely worked out to their benefit. Chocolate covered pretzels, and particularly the famous Flipz brand, are a consistently delicious snack. Whether you are opting for milk chocolate, dark chocolate, or white chocolate, you are sure not to be disappointed.
What is the best option of all the flavors? Of course a mix pack of all three! And if you can't find all three mixed together, consider just buying three bags and doing it yourself. It is worth it!
America's Summer Drink of Choice
Lemonade. The typical American drink. Combine that with Snapple, the beloved ice tea brand, add the color pink, and voila! Pink lemonade Snapple. It's nearly impossible to successfully drive through the suburbs of America in the hot summer months and not see kids on every street corner with lemonade stands, selling cups of fresh juice to passerbys. In case you don't want to support local businesses, consider grabbing this Snapple instead.
Pink lemonade is a delicious alternative to an already tasty drink. How do you make lemonade even tastier? Add some strawberry juice to it!
Truly Terrifying American Snacks
Americans are not famous for being the healthiest of people. Overly processed foods high in unhealthy fats tend to be commonplace throughout the country. These disturbingly unhealthy snacks seem to be the perfect example of unhealthy American eating habits. From hot dog topped pizza to an "American style snack box", your choices of unhealthy treats seem to abound. Don't overlook that overly processed box of schnitzel!
Americans do love their frozen foods. It seems like the frozen food section of the grocery store in the US is oftentimes the largest.
Cute Miniature Hamburger Cookies
If you are looking for an amazing variety of cookies, America is the place for you. Chocolate chip cookies, snickerdoodles, rocky road, gingerbread, sugar cookies....you name it, America has it. And even the ones you can't name and never would have heard of, such as a Hamburger Cookie....America has it. Does this cookie taste like a hamburger or is it just in the shape of a hamburger?
These look more like dog treats than human snacks. After all, who wants a hamburger-flavored cookie? Don't people usually go to eat cookies when they are in the mood for something sweet?
Typical American Foods Shock German Tourist
Traveling to a new country always has its fair share of shocking moments. The food is different, the people are different, the language is often different. After all, they didn't coin the term "culture shock" for nothing. This German tourist was certainly culturally shocked when he walked through the grocery stores aisles in America and found some very strange and interesting foods. What looked weird to their German man are actually very normal and commonplace foods throughout the United States of America.
You can hardly enter any diner or cafe and not be able to order a sausage, egg, and cheese croissant. This brand is simply the most famous one of all.