This article was originally published on WackoJaco
The Cousin Who Can't Speak Or Talk
Babies are strange. If you think about it, they don't do much because they are still learning, absorbing all this new information they are exposed to. They can't talk, they can't walk, they can't even crawl for the first few months. They need to be fed, and they can't clean themselves. Basically, if we weren't talking about babies, and described these conditions on a grown man, it would be a terrifying situation.
This person found another way to announce the birth of their newest family member and almost caused someone a heart attack in the process. After two hours in this world, this baby still can't talk or walk, and it's safe to assume they won't be doing anything for the next few months either.
We Have A Little Genius On Our Hands
This kid is going places because they have figured it out. Life shouldn't be too complicated if you see what is in front of you. They wrote down the simplest and probably the most accurate answer on this spelling test. Even the teacher agreed this student is indeed clever and gave their answer extra points. We're telling you, watch out for this little one. We know with a brain like that, they are meant for greatness.
Wouldn't you want to know what goes through that kind of brain? As adults, we tend to overcomplicate pretty much everything, and this is a good reminder to see things just as they are.
You Better Count On Count Von Count
One of humanity's greatest gifts to the world is its ability to come up with puns. Sometimes puns don't make much sense, but sometimes they most certainly do, and that's what counts. For example, the Count Von Count from Sesame Street does exactly what his name suggests, and well, counts. He is also quite famously a vampire, albeit a friendly one. So the Count who counts, most definitely counts.
To the pun enthusiast, Andy Ryan, you are a gift to this world. If everyone would make a pun a day, the world would be a much funnier place to live in!
How Else Would Men Open Their Car Door?
Ever since the car was invented not many decades ago, men and women needed to open the car doors to get inside. Yes, we are aware of new door technology with sensors that can identify the close proximity of a person and automatically open up, but the majority of the planet still uses their hands to get inside a vehicle. Men have no other choice but to open their car's doors, how else would they get inside?
Even though this probably wasn't kwame's intention when she asked this question, user Xavier answered with a truth so simple, we have to respect it.
Have You Ever Seen A Shark Win A Triathlon?
This person is on to something. There is a pretty good chance a human would beat a shark in a Triathlon. However, the shark would probably have other things on its mind, and when you put it inside a lake for a Triathlon alongside a large group of people, it may see it as an all-you-can-eat buffet. So who will be the true winner in all of this? The one with the full stomach.
It's the shark. If it wasn't clear, the shark wins if you swim next to it. Learn from this, do not compete with a shark. Okay, maybe you can go against a shark if you compete in cycling.
When In Doubt, Count On A Dorito
Doritos have been around for a very long time. They come in different flavors. They are delicious. They are a great snack to feed your guests when they come over for board games or watching sports. You can also use them to point at things, too, because why the hell not! Their signature triangular shape makes them the perfect pointy thing, as clever Joe Dillon demonstrates here.
We salute you, Glasgow native Joe Dillon, for this clever use of a cheesy tortilla chip. But now all this talk about Doritos made us hungry.
Closing The Curtains On The Emo Phase
We have all been there. At some point in our pre-adolescent life, most of us went through a teenage rebellion phase. We didn't want to conform to social norms, wore lots of black clothes, and covered the majority of our faces with thick bangs that shielded us from the world. Those bangs were an essential part of any emo kid's identity in the early 2000s. Back in those days, life was an emotional rollercoaster.
In hindsight, those bangs were difficult to work with and we could barely see anything. Donning a more practical adult haircut these days, we see this image summed the view behind those bangs very accurately.
Mooing In The Ocean Is The New Mood
Ever had a rough day that by the time it ended, all you wanted was go to the closest beach, get your feet wet, and start mooing like a cow? It happens. We are not here to judge, and if you need to go out there and start mooing, then you do you like the cow featured here. It's definitely having a mood, and we're feeling it.
Cows seem like absolute divas, mooing vigorously everywhere they go, even if it's right in the ocean. Our one question is, how did this cow find itself in the ocean? Did it escape the dairy farm?
It's A New Day India Too
Breaking news! Joe Biden is not the president of the fine folks in India. He is also not the president of France, Germany, and even Australia. Anywhere that isn't the United States, you better believe good old Joe isn't the president. This Twitter exchange shows that it doesn't matter if you're a Republican or a Democrat because if you are from a different country, the U.S. president will not be your president regardless of how you feel about the elections.
When the Twitter user, Prayag, is right, he's right. Since he is from India, Joe Biden is not his president. Trump wasn't his president either. Obama wasn't Prayag's president too. Neither was Clinton!
Writing In Alphabetical Order Has Never Been Easier
Kids sometimes have a better understanding of how the world works than adults do. This kid read the instructions on their exam and did what was asked of them. Reading comprehension is an important skill, and this kid is the master. Things would be so much simpler if everyone's thought process was as simple and straightforward as this kid's. We wonder if their teacher thought the same, though.
Is this a case of the student becoming the master, or did this kid's teacher give them an F? We guess we'll never know, but we do hope they got some points for this.
Try Building An Empire Without A Garage
Do you want to start an empire? Get yourself a garage first. It's the most secure way to start a successful business, as it turns out. Just ask Steve Jobs, Jeff Bezos, and Walt Disney. They all managed to start billion-dollar empires from their own garage, and their legacy will last forever. To make a real difference in the world and become a bazillionaire, it seems as though all one will need is a small garage.
We don't think you don't need a garage to be successful in life. Many entrepreneurs came up with their brilliant ideas in their basements or even on the toilet! Not all is not lost.
A Back To School Campaign We Can Run With
Have you heard about this new campaign the stores are having? It is simple and easy to understand. If you can outrun store security, you will most likely not pay for your purchase. How exciting! Notebooks, pens, clothes, diapers, shoes, anything that is up for grabs. The faster you run, the better. Can you carry a TV and run as fast as lightning? If the answer is yes, then congratulations on your new TV.
If you outrun security while carrying a fridge on your back, you should consider becoming a superhero because you're obviously super-human. Don't try this at home, though!
Famous Blacksmiths Throughout History
We do love our metal, and iron gets us pumped in the morning. Do you want three famous blacksmiths? The first is Simeon Wheelock, a blacksmith from Massachusetts born in 1741 that fought in the American revolution. Next, we have Lorenz Helmschmied, a German blacksmith born in 1467 and specialized in intricate and detailed armors. Lastly, Alexander Hamilton Willard, a blacksmith born in 1777 and joined the Lewis and Clark Expedition. Is that not what this person meant?
Obviously, these are not as famous as the black Smiths that waynereewrites listed. We're not even sure it's the correct type of metal. But they were, in fact, very competent blacksmiths!
Scott Brownlie's Head Is Right This Way
This sign was made for Scott's head. It is crucial to know which direction one needs to go to reach the head of Scott. In case you are wondering if there are other signs directing to more body parts that belong to Scott, the answer is yes. You can also find your way to Scott's pinky, Scott's right nipple, or even Scott's lower back. All the roads seem to lead back to Scott. Find yourself lost? Follow the northern star, and you'll reach Scott.
Scott could very much be the center of the universe, the place where it all begins and ends. Scott, thank you for always being there, wherever you are.
The Truth About Circular Food No One Talks About
Here is the truth about food that comes in a circle. Pizzas, cakes, oranges, apples, even tomatoes. Anything in the shape of a circle, we end up eating it after turning it into a triangle. We cut them up and make triangles out of a circle. That is the truth. When was the last time you ate a whole pizza, not in a triangle shape? Never. When was the last time you ate a cake without cutting out a slice first? Pretty much never.
You see, humanity isn't ready to eat every circular food. Circular food is hard to consume and we need to turn it into something less difficult. A triangle is not only the strongest shape in nature but also the easiest to shove into our mouths.
Grandfather Who Turns 75 Did Not Fight In Both World Wars
This Redditor who claimed his grandfather did not fight in both world wars is on to something. He really isn't wrong—Grandpa really didn't fight in those wars, and perhaps he also doesn't approve of this silliness either. We wonder if the silliness in question is the state of the world we live in or the Reddit thread. What's for certain, though, is that Redditor Tom here is a genius.
We wish there was an end to all wars, but until that happens, we salute Tom's grandfather's genes for producing such a clever grandchild.
Don't We All Know Every Phone Number?
This person raises a valid point. Everyone knows all the phone numbers. The small detail we don't know is who these numbers belong to. Try it out and just name a number out loud. If it's over nine digits, the probability of it being a phone number is high. Now try a shorter number combination and, somewhere in the world, that could also be a real phone number. If you think about it, it's practically a superpower.
Imagine how powerful that is to know every phone number on the planet. Millions on top of millions of number combinations and all of them are stored in your head.
Debate Of The Century: Man Vs. 600,000 Babies
Babies can't debate. It doesn't matter if it is a single baby or a large group of babies. Babies do not debate since they don't know how to speak, being babies and all. In a debate between a grown man and 600,000 babies, the adult will most likely win because of this. We're not even talking about churches and abortions clinics. We are debating whether the man or the babies could win a debate.
Even if all 600,000 babies gather together to come up with an argument, it still will be incoherent. However, one grown person can use the power of speech to make a coherent argument. Did we win this debate just now?
The Revelation About Reading Might Change Our World Forever
We feel the urge to pinpoint exactly what reading is, and it's not the dead piece of wood we are staring at but the words themselves that make us hallucinate. The power of the written word can transport us into another universe of possibilities. Words are a figment of someone's imagination, captured forever for the world to enjoy. Words have to ability to uplift and inspire us, too.
Words can make us angry or give us hope. They're not just scribbles on a piece of dead wood, despite they also are exactly that. Funny how the world works!
This Is How Sand Looks Under A Microscope
Next on the list, we have a wisecracker who gave us an honest and true depiction of what sand would look like under a microscope. They didn't put the sand under the lens of a microscope as one would think to do, but they put the sand underneath the entire microscope. Have you ever seen sand under a microscope? The grains of the sand look like beautiful, tiny galaxies.
This quite literal version of sand under a microscope is not as beautiful as what we would imagine, but it is true and quite hilarious.
It Seems All Roads Lead to the Beach
This woman has an important question to ask. Would anyone take her to the beach? Our best guess is she doesn't live close to the beach. She might be asking multiple people to take her there. We assume that she loves to lay on the sand and splash in the water. Her question is important because she needs to know she can get there any time she wants, even if she's already there.
If she doesn't get to the beach, bad things might happen. Anyone, please, if you can and have the means, take this woman to the beach.
The Heart Wants What the Heart Wants
Here is an interesting fact, heartbeats do synchronize with other heartbeats. A study from the University of California showed that the heartbeats of couples in long-lasting relationships are actually in sync with each other, along with their respiration patterns. What's more, when you fall in love, your heart literally syncs with your lover's. Another example is when bandmates play a song together, their heartbeats become in tune with the song.
Whichever way you look at it, our heartbeats are just as romantic as our hearts. They indicate when love is in the air, when we are excited and when we're sad.
This Person Only Knows Women Who Appreciate Men in Grey Sweatpants
It seems like we got ourselves a quick-thinking lawyer here. Technically the Reddit user's point is valid, if they do only know women who appreciate fit men in a pair of grey sweatpants. Honestly, you don't need to be attracted to anyone to appreciate the way they look. It is perfectly fine to acknowledge something that looks pleasing to the eye without feeling any attraction to it. Some things just look good.
We can appreciate a dog in booties, a pair of nicely framed glasses, or a good piece of toast without being sexually attracted to them.
Earth Really Did Win The Most Medals
You know what? The people of Earth won all the medals ever given in the Olympic games. Not just in the year 2021, but every time the games were held. Nobody from Neptune won any medals. Mars didn't even show up. What about Saturn? Come on. Only Earthlings have ever won Olympic medals because we are the best! We are team humanity all the way. Michael Phelps? Human. Simone Biles? Human.
Aliens must feel pretty bad about themselves for this. They didn't even get to third place in the entire history of the Olympic games. Maybe we can teach them a thing or two, help out our fellow sports-aliens.
A Happy Mother's Day To All The Children Out There
We can't argue with this guy. Maybe it is time we celebrate kids rather than mothers on Mother's Day. Then again, mothers do everything for us. They cook, clean, and basically do it all. They make us feel safe, teach us valuable lessons, and hug us when we need to be hugged. They protect and watch over us, too. Dads do this too, sure, but mothers carry us in their bellies for 9 months!
So Joshua, think about it. Without your mother, you wouldn't have a mother. Try appreciating her more, and don't go around giving her a note like this. It is a cute note, but you can do better for her.
A Simple Solution To A Terrifying Math Problem
Math problem: A person knows they need to cross a bridge. It takes thirty minutes to cross it. This person isn't disabled and can walk at an average speed. There is no resistance wind, and the sky is clear. There is no one else on the bridge or anyone coming from the other side. Knowing all these facts, how long would it take for them to cross the entire bridge? Obviously, the answer is thirty minutes.
Math problems are fun if you know how to read them correctly, and we assume the person who answered this question is great at answering other questions similar to this one.
The Human Population Won't Survive Holding Hands Around The Planet
There is a downside to living on Earth. If the entire human race woke up one day and decided to hold hands and form a single line across the equator, many people would lose their lives to drowning. More than 70% of the Earth's surface is covered in water, so for everyone to hold hands is simply not a good idea, and we do not recommend it. However, if the entire population of this planet would move to Mars, that's a different story.
Not a lot of water on Mars, and if you want to create a line made of people holding hands, this would the ideal planet to do it on. Now that we are thinking it over, there's not much air for humans there. We guess the lesson here is to not hold hands, or you will lose air somehow.
This Is One Way To Take A Picture With An Icon
There is a difference between a fan and a super fan. This guy definitely falls in the latter category, with his excitement about a selfie with Messi himself while he's playing the field. It doesn't matter if there are at least thousands of other people with them. What is important to him are himself and the soccer player. Super fans will do what super fans do, they get hyped over anything relating to their admired icon.
Messi is undoubtedly one of the biggest athletes of our time, and his following is like no other. We can understand why anyone would be this excited, even over a selfie like this.
It Seems This Barber Might Have An Opening Soon
It might be a universal concept to save on your phone styles and haircuts to show them later to your hairdresser, of whom you have established a relationship of trust and respect. It is not easy to put that responsibility on anyone, and hairstyle is crucial to define a part of your personality. This situation clearly took a turn for the worse when the literal hairstylist took what he saw on the phone and copy-pasted it to this poor man's head.
Don't get us wrong, it is a masterpiece, and we appreciate the effort. In that regard, it is impressive. However, we are talking about a man who now is forced to walk around like Professor Quirrell.
This Kid Is the Hero We Never Knew We Needed
This kid must get scored a perfect grade for his answers, and you know we are right. We can look at this in two ways, the first is applauding the pupil for answering cleverly on his math exam questions. Technically they got it right. The second way we evaluate the situation is through the teacher's level of effort when they created these questions for the classroom. It isn't hard to outsmart someone who puts minimal effort into writing up questions for an exam.
We have to add that no matter the country, being a teacher is one of the toughest jobs that exist today. As they deal with a young classroom daily and are constantly overworked.
We Are Never Eating Caramel M&M Again
This was not the first thing that came to our heads when we saw the M&M Caramel logo. Unfortunately, while moving on with our lives, we are never going to be able to erase this from our memory. Whoever created this sick and highly accurate depiction, you are both mad and\or brilliant. Something so sweet took the darkest of turns, fueling our nightmares in the process, and changing our entire perspective of eating M&M.
Is it bad we pity the caramel M&M more than the disemboweled man below? It's terrible to see both of them in this ad, but we feel worse for the candy than the human.
Discovering Nirvana Isn't as Hard as One Would Think
Achieving Nirvana is considered the final enlightenment in a person's journey through life, where your soul finds an end and completion. Achieving this state can take form through varied methods. You can try meditating your whole life, or maybe a deity from above could help you out, and it could just be listening to a music album by a certain rock band. Nirvana isn't elusive. It is open to anyone who wants to enter.
The only requirement is commitment and time to be the best version of yourself. No matter where you are at in life, make sure you have a place to listen to good music on the way to Nirvana.
The Year When The Year 1895 Ended
You can definitely say this kid is smart. As we are sure this isn't what their teacher meant by asking what ended in 1986, the student's answer is correct too. Some of you might think this kid is being silly, but if you are like us, you see the potential of a bright future ahead of them. The student could have chosen to not answer the question at all because he didn't know the answer the teacher wanted, yet they answered a different answer.
It is these types of people we need to see more in the world. It's okay not to know the answer to everything, but we do have an answer whether this child is smart or not, and you know what we think.
He's on the Right Track Baby, He Was Bjorn This Way
Naming a child is an important task. There are plenty of examples of people getting it wrong and dooming their child to a dark future. Then again there are also great examples of parents who saw the opportunity to give a name that will always be remembered for the better. Bjorn Kuhl's parents are the type of people who wanted the best for their kid, and they did it with the very first decision about him.
Bjorn Kuhl is almost like a self-fulfilling prophecy, and we hope Bjorn is just as cool as his name. How could he not be anything but the coolest guy on Earth?
The Startling Realization That Gay Marriage Is Gay
Technically, this is a true fact. Gay marriage is gay. Now that we got that clear, allow us to continue to explore the meaning of a gay marriage. It's just like any other marriage, lesbian marriage, straight marriage, threesome marriage. Marriage in all its forms is something quite simple and understood. It is a contract between the participating parties who have decided to live their lives with the person (or people) they love.
Love is just love, when not twisted or abused, it is the act of caring for someone who isn't yourself. So, whatever marriage you're in, it's all the same in our book.
Did Someone Program This AI To Be Sarcastic?
Whoever wrote the code to this AI, we see you. You think you're so smart for creating an AI who talks back sarcastically and being able to produce jokes on its own. Well, you are. Most AI these days are boring and have no sense of humor, so this is not only an amusing but a refreshing change to the dull and gray AI. It probably takes more skill to write the code for a sarcastic AI, and we can appreciate the hard work.
Imagine this AI taking over the world like in the Terminator films. All the robots just casually answer back to humans with an attitude. A lot less scary than homicidal androids.
O Drake, Drake, Wherefore Art Thou Drake?
This changes things. This Twitter user caught on to something, and we agree with him. He claims a diss track, which is a musical body of work meant to tear down someone else, is in fact a poem. Technically, he's right. Even a diss track constitutes a poem, and if we look at it for what it is, it is somewhat sweet to see two artists releasing poems about each other. It might be negative but there's no such thing as bad publicity.
Should we start calling rap albums poem albums? There are elements to rap that can be considered as elements to poems. This is quite a revelation for us, and we are getting excited over it.
Dr. Nowzaradan Should Be Considered A Real Hero
Dr. Nowzaradan or Dr. Now as he is called at times on the hit reality series, My 600-Ib Life, tells it as it is, to his morbidly obese patients. When dealing with cases this extreme revolving around a person's excessive weight, Dr. Now blatantly tells them the truth they must hear. He is trying to save their lives, not bring them down over their appearance. The harsh truth is if they don't lose the weight, they will die, and Dr. Now is trying to prevent that.
Obesity is a disease just like any other illness, but it needs to be addressed for what it is. Doctors have to force reality on patients who sometimes seem to not grasp the severity of their condition.
Baby It's Most Certainly Cold Outside
Thank you Captain Obvious! When someone goes out, and it feels cold, it is because it is cold outside. It is also important to state that when you're outside and it's hot, it is because it is hot outside. You can also know it's stormy outside if you walk out and see there is a storm outside. You know it is sunny when the sun is out. These facts we take for granted are what makes our lives what they are.
You can walk on the pavements with your legs. You can see things around you with your eyes. You know it's cold inside when you go inside, and it's cold. FACTS. FACTS. FACTS.
Birth Control Pills Work for Everybody
You don't want to get pregnant? Cool, just use birth control, as it's one of the most effective ways to prevent pregnancy (both for women and men). This is another technically true fact because we know guys can't get pregnant if they are on the birth control pill. As long as they take the pill, they are guaranteed to never have a fetus grow inside them for nine months. Guys, listen up, it is your responsibility.
Dude, are you really ready to have a child? Are you willing to put your body through that? If you answered no, then take the pill. You can also choose what color pill you can take.